Too Little Too Late
by The-Unwritten1219
Summary: "I loved you In every possible way my heart could. I was pathetically in love with you. But you never cared. Ever. He does, Josh. He cares about me, and how I feel. Makes me feel beautiful. That's all I ever wanted from you. To feel wanted...You're too late... I'm sorry." It's been 3 years since Josh and Maya have seen each other, can he redeem himself with her, or is it too late?
1. I Didn't

**Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters from Girl Meets world**

 **Hello lovelies, who find solace in the work of obsessive fan girls and boys Ths is my first fanfic. I just felt like there wasn't enough Josh x Maya stuff on fanfiction, so I thought "what the hell"**

 **I totally accept constructive criticism. So if you want to give me your opinion just leave a review or send me a pm. OK enjoy!:D**

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She was gorgeous. Absolutely stunning. Of course she always had been, always looked like something pulled out from the pages of a teenaged boys fantasy. But the thing with her wasn't always about her looks, or the way she dressed. It was about that mind. That mouth, that appeared to have no filter. Those eyes that challenge your every word. Those eyes that you counted the seconds you were allowed to look into them for. If not you'd surely drown In them- you'd gladly drown in them. The way she held up her head despite all the negative things that ran through it. It was all these things and much, much more that made Maya Heart my biggest weakness.

It's been nearly four years since we last saw each other. Last spoke. Last fought. I Remember the last thing we said to each other, the way she wore her hair. I remember the color of the lip gloss she wore. The length of her hair. I wonder if it's longer now. Or if she actually cut it for once. I wondered if she was okay. If she forgave me? Forgot me? If she even thought about me anymore? Cared? I know I wouldn't if I were her, not one bit.

 _ **Flashback**_

"Uncle Josh!" Riley shrieked. A light chuckle escaped my lips as I looked up at her from my seat in whatever store we were in now, I stopped paying attention around forever21 and H&M. Maybe we were at that Demolition place.

"Yes, Riles?"

"Which do you think fit me better the pink one or the magenta?"

"Aren't they the same?"

"No!" She replied exasperated.

The pink is slightly longer and has a flowy trim, while the magenta is shorter with a poofier skirt, tight around the middle, with a silver lining! "

" umm-..." I started, trying to remember how they fit her.

"I told her the magenta, it shorter for her legs, without the sluty factor, and her breast look slightly larger in a tasteful way" Maya shouted from the dressing room, making Riley's' face beet red. I couldn't hold my blush either, feeling embarrassed for her. I cleared my throat, and looked at my niece.

"Is it comfortable at least?" I asked trying to be a responsible uncle.

"Which one?" She asked

"The one you really want" I was hardly paying attention as they tried on dress after dress. So I couldn't really recall which one fit her best or the expression she held as she saw herself wear them, but I _could_ tell which one she described with most detail, meaning she paid the most attention to it.

"Which one do I really want, Uncle Josh?"

Giving her a pointed look I took the pink one from her hands, her face _slightly_ falling.

"The pink one it is then" she said, before smiling as I hung it on the nearest rack.

"Okay, okay. Now that that's settled. Which one should _I_ get. Maya walked out in an elegant cremé, floor length dress. There was a slight slit rising to her soft pale thigh. The sleeves just barely reaching t-shirt length as it drifted down. My gaze found the tantalizing curve of her collarbone lowering my eyes to forbidden territory.

"what do ya think?" She asked, twirling in front of us.

 _Did she look like this in all of them?_ I internally scolded myself for missing an opportunity to stare at her, without consequences.

My breath caught in my throat as she turned her gaze to me. Raising her eyebrows. Challenging me.

 _She's so beautiful- Stop it Josh! She's three years younger you!_

 _"You look... nice"_

 _"_ Just... _nice_?" Maya's eyes fell to to the material in her hands then at herself in the mirror.

"Uh y-yeah. You look real... nice" I swallowed the lump in my throat quickly taking my phone from my pocket, pretending my attention was elsewhere. Any trace of the smile she held as she walked towards me- err, towards me and Riley, was gone now.

My ears perked up as I heard my name coming from the dressing room my niece and her stunning best friend just disappeared into.

"Don't listen to uncle Josh. It looks exceptional on you, Maya"

"He doesn't think so" Maya said in a matter fact tone.

"So you're not gonna get it, just 'cause his compliment was weak?"

"If he thinks I look ugly in it someone else will too, don't get me wrong I don't give a shit what people think of me, I just want the last version of me they see walking to get that diploma being the best one I can look like."

"Maya..." Riley started.

"Riles, I just want all those asswhole's who said I wouldn't make it, see that I did, and look fucking amazing while I do " I could hear her laugh, but it wasn't her usual lighthearted laugh. And it was my fault. And the both of us knew it.

"Hey, don't pout, peaches. I'll get the violet one it's better than just nice" I could see her smile in my head. I knew it wasn't the one she wore as she walked out here.

"Nice isn't a bad compliment, Maya"

"Nice is what you say when someone looks like crap and you don't want them to feel as bad as they look" I heard Riley sigh, knowing just as well as I did that she wouldn't win against Maya.

They walked out three minutes later, arms linked and talking about God knows what. Riley stood on line, ready to purchase her dress, while Maya walked away to put the long cremé dress away.

I don't really remember very clearly when I decided to follow her, I just know I did.

"Maya" I said grabbing her pale wrist.

 _She's so soft... is all of her this soft?! STOP IT JOSH! FOCUS!_

"Get the dress" She just smiled at me.

"No" never saying the things I expect.

"Get the dress, Maya" I said pointedly.

"Why should I, uncle Boing?" Her grin widening the longer we stared at one another.

"Because it looks very nice on you. And I can tell that you love it." She shook her head.

"Hmmm...Nope" Her lips curly in that cute mischievous way only she could do, shaking her mess of curls from side to side. "That's not why. What is it, Josh? You wouldn't want me to just look nice, would you? You want me to flaunt my stuff, don't you?" She said with childlike humor. Bumping her hip into the air. Doing things to me that definitely shouldn't be happening.

Her eyes opened wide, with innocence you wouldn't think she had.

" I'm kidding, Josh... I just don't want to look nice. I want to look beautiful for one night. Feel as beautiful as the dress makes me look, you know. I do like the dress."

 _You're always beautiful. I wish you would see that._

"But if the guy I want to impress just thinks it's _nice_." She smiled gesturing to me. "Then I don't want it." She turned to put it back.

I exhaled deeply, probably seeming annoyed to her, but just trying to calm down my nerves.

"You shouldn't be trying to impress me, Maya."

 _It's working too well_

"Why do you fight it?" She asks.

 _Because you're too young for me. Because I'm not good enough for you. Because it's wrong._

" I'm not fighting anything, Maya. The dress fits you amazing. I only said nice, because if I said anything else you would have taken it the wrong way. Buy the dress Maya, do it to impress someone your own age. Who you can actually be with." It was harsh. Yes I know but, I figured the harsher, the more she'll begin to understand.

Her eyes turned hard, and I tried to look away, but they were so fierce so strong... so beautiful, I just couldn't. She held the dress tightly in her hands.

"One day I won't be an option anymore, Josh. One day you'll push me away too hard. And I won't get back up looking for you"

She turned and walked to the checkout., as I stared after her.

...

"What made you decide to get the dress after all? " Riley suddenly asked as we neared Corey and Topanga's door.

" 'cause I like it" Maya smiled at my niece, stopping by the door, telling Riley she wanted to talk to me for a minute.

"What Maya?" I asked rubbing the back of my neck as we stood in front of each other. "You never told me what it was you really thought of the dress"

"Really,Maya?"

She bit her lip shyly. Taking me completely by surprise. I was in total awe. I didn't didn't mean to do it. Really. I didn't. But I... just did.

Her lips tasted like fresh strawberries from the smoothie she had at the mall. Her soft lips were moving just as fast as mine were from the moment they met. I was drowning in a ocean of Maya Hart, finding myself praying for a moment longer to endure this magical torture.

 _Just one more second, God. Please. Let me have her for one second more._

My tongue met hers in a frenzie, as if life was just barely away from obliterating.

 _One more second,_ _ **please.**_

Eventually air became a necessity and we pulled away. Her hands still tangled in my hair. Bennie long forgotten on the floor. My hands at her hips where they held her as close to me as I could get her without causing her pain.

I moved my body about 3 feet away from her, suddenly cold at the loss of contact.

She grinned happily. Looking absolutely breathless and stunning. Her fingers trembling as the lightly touched where mine just were.

"I knew you felt the same",in that moment my world went crashing down around me. She was only 18. Her life was _literally_ just starting. I'm was 21 years old. It was wrong. It doesn't matter how right it feels. Or how completely fantastic she tasted. _God, that kiss._ But she was 3 years younger than me it wouldn't have been fair to her. _WHAT WAS I SUPPOSED TO DO!?_

"That was a mistake" I whispered.

"...w-What?"

"That shouldn't have happened"

"B-but it did ,Josh. And you know you felt it too. You just had t-"

"No, Maya. I don't feel anything" I seethed through my teeth. Desperate to finish the lies I had to tell this gorgeous angel in from of me. "I'm sorry but i'm just gonna have to be blunt with you. You just won't grasp that I don't want to be with you. You need to stop obsessing over me. It needs to stop" She stared at me with wide blue eyes, and I nearly fell at the pain I saw in them. But I didn't stop.

"B-but that kiss-"

" Was to show you there's nothing between us. You shouldn't try to impress me, cause you can't. I'm sorry. I really am. I care about you. You're my nieces best friend. But you're just a kid, Maya." I hated myself then. Knowing how she felt about being seen as a child.

" I want a woman who's strong, independent and beautiful." I watched her flinch at my words, not knowing I was describing her, and my heart cried out in agony.

 _STOP! STOP IT, PLEASE! We're hurting her. She'll never forgive us! PLEASE!_

But I didn't.

"You need to get over this crush, because it's not gonna happen. Not with me... I'm sorry." And for the first time in my life I saw Maya Hart cry. Silent tears that burned me as I looked her. I took that magnificent smile away and replaced it with _this._

"I'm sorry too, Josh." She whispered, before going inside.

 _ **End of Flashback**_

Back then, I thought that was what I was supposed to do, now... Now I know.

I should have loved her. Should've shown her what she meant to me…

But i didn't.


	2. How Dare You?

**Disclaimer: I don't own Girl Meets World or any of the characters**

 **Hey lovlies! Those comments were soooo sweet :D. Thank you guys. Feel free to give me your opinions whether their super sweet or just plain fucked up, either way it motivates me.**

 **Okay, that's it! Enjoy!**

 **~Geni**

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Maya's POV

Have you ever had that person, you would do absolutely anything for? Make yourself look like an idiot, just to impress them. Would give up your Everything; your whole world for them, when they wouldn't sacrifice an hour of theirs for you?

He was sinfully alluring in every possible than beautiful. More than amazing. He was everything I always wanted to be apart of. He was love. Of course he hadn't always been a teenaged girl's wet dream come to life.

He was lanky as a kid. Lips too big for his face, long shaggy hair, braces. Once he turned thirteen, he built up muscle and got a haircut, his lips started to look more natural, and got his braces removed. But how he looked was really just a perk. It didn't really matter to me how he wore his hair, or what color his bennie was. I knew him _before_ he was thirteen. Before he became ' _The_ Joshua Matthews'.

It was how he ditched his friends to play hide and go seek with me and Riley when we were eight and he was eleven. How family always came first for him. How when he loved, it was overwhelming. How he made you feel as if every second in life happened in order for your eyes to meet...There was so many things that resulted in my immutable love for Joshua Matthews. To even attempt at listing them all would be pointless. I loved him. That simple.

I knew I was in love with him when I was seven years old. I don't remember exactly _when_ it was I fell in love with him. I just remember waking up one morning and… knowing.

It felt like I was being dropped from a plane. His eyes, his breath, his words… They were my parachute. The way he made me feel was what kept me from hitting the ground. The thing was… _Everything_ he did made me feel. I just never anticipated that, that would be what hurled me down to the pavement

So many damn things made that man my largest weakness. (A/N: Hehe, they're each other's weaknesses)But there was only one thing that made him my biggest mistake.

The last time I saw Joshua Matthews, he ripped my heart right out from my chest. He took a piece of myself I can never get back….He took _that_ feeling away. Took away my ability to fly, and I was left to recover, drowning in my own pool of blood, as I attempted to treat my wounds.

And for the actual first time; the way he made me feel didn't result in my impossible flight, it ended with my meeting of the rough sidewalk.

But I was to blame. He warned me from the beginning. He told me from the start that it just wouldn't happened. It was never really about the age difference. It was because of me. Because I wasn't what he wanted, despite him being the _only_ thing I did want.

After graduation my goal in life was to avoid the mistakes I committed in high school.

I threw myself into collage. Into my art. And I found solace in them.

There wasn't anyone I could turn to. So I turned to, well… me. I had no one who knew what it felt like to be irrevocably in love with someone who could hardly tolerate you.

I never told Riley about my and Josh's kiss. Or what he said to me that day. I rejected the whole subject of Josh Matthews in general. I avoided hearing his name, as well as I refrained from saying it. I spent the last three and a half years trying to force myself to hate him. But I know I can't blame him for not wanting me. And I can't turn his family against him for telling me the truth. But despite all of that, despite the fact that it wasn't his fault, it still hurt like hell.

And besides all of these things! My stomach still flips at the possibility of seeing him in seven short hours. Knowing we'll be in the same room, after so many years of meticulously avoiding one another.

My cheeks still turn pink as I remember that kiss. And all the pain and longing rushes over me. Engulfing me like a long lost friend. Feeling the tears graze my eyes I shut them tightly, willing them not to exist.

And the guilt in my heart twists wretchedly as I hold _his_ hand. Knowing with all certainty it would never feel as amazing as it would be if Josh were the one holding onto me. I know I can never love another person to that extent. Anyone. Even Josh Matthews.

There wasn't enough left in me to love him or anyone like that ever again.

{}

 _ **Next day**_

I had forgotten how absolutely fucking amazing the guest bed was. I spent most breaks here, much like Riley, but for the last three breaks Josh has been coming to spend the free days off from school with his older brother and his family, so _naturally_ , I spent _my_ last few breaks talking to mom and Shawn on the phone, as well as texting Riley, (in another attempt at avoiding someone who probably doesn't even want to talk to me anyway) and painting my life away until classes started up again.

But _God_ this thing was like a cloud.

I groaned loudly, looking at the clock on the nightstand.

9:27 stared back at me in block red characters.

"Hey, Gorgeous"

I jumped up quickly, throwing a hand to my heart. My eyes meeting the eyes of the first man I ever loved. My heart sped up, at a rate that was define try not healthy.

"What are you doing here, Josh?" He bit his lip in a way, that had it been three years ago I would've jumped on his back at the sight of it.

"I, um. I...um" his eyes never left mine and I felt exposed under his gaze.

 _God, what is he_ _ **doing**_ _to me?_

"Josh..." He cleared his throat, looking down to study his worn out chucks, "Riley said you were coming down, and I..." He breathed harshly looking back up at me with some kind of desperation. " Riley said you came into town and I... wanted to see you" He admitted honestly.

I let go of the breath I wasn't aware I was holding. "Well, you saw me." I said curtly. Pulling the covers off of me and going to open the door. "Goodbye"

"Wait! Maya, please. Just... talk with me."

I kept my eyes trained on the doorknob, despite the aching want in me to look into his clear hazel orbs.

"Look at me! Please! I'm sorry, okay? How many years are gonna pass before I'm allowed to have you in my life again?" The desperate look back in his eyes, creeping through his voice.

I felt my eyes flash fiercely. "You had plenty of opportunities to have me be apart of your life, Joshua Matthews! How dare you? I'll take how many years I damn well please"

He walked closer to me, wavering as he took the first glimpse of my attire, or more like my lack there of. Standing in all my 5"2 height, in my plain wife beater and my underwear.

"Josh, we can never be how we used to." My voice much more calm." There can't be _any_ sort of relationship with me."

 _It's just too hard... Hurts too_ much.

"We're both better off this way" His head jerked to the right.

"I'm so sorry, Maya. I-"

"All you did was tell me the truth, Josh. That hardly merits penalization" I interrupted.

"I didn't mean to say all those things to you, Maya..." He started, shaking his head searching for the right words. " My intentions were good, I swear. I just wanted what was best for you. You were so infatuated, you were clouding your own judgment-" I shook my head in disbelief, staring at him despite myself. How dare he?!

 _HOW FUCKING DARE HE!_

Josh never was able to understand the extent-the weight- of affections I had held for him. And there was nothing that pissed me off more than when someone underestimated _anything_ about me. Especially the unwavering feeling I had for the man in front of me. Be it hate or love. I felt with every ounce of soul I had in me... He never understood that... And he _never_ would.

 _He'd never understand me_.

My heart, locked in its steel box within my chest, yelled in agony and frustration. Knowing it took effort to understand another. Knowing he never tried to.

And I exploded.

"Fuck you, Joshua Matthews. Fuck you and your morals." I moved closer to him not caring that all I had on was an oversized wife beater that barely covered my ass. He continued to underplay my affections. Continued to see me as so naive I can't tell the difference between love and a crush.

"You destroyed me that day, Josh! You held my heart in your hands, you saw how damaged it was as it is, and decided to screw it all to hell and _destroy_ me. But no, you **"** had good intentions". You're not my father, Josh. You have no say in my decisions or in my judgment. Hell, he doesn't either. Last time I fucking check _my_ name was Maya Hart, not my father, not your brother, not Riley. No one else. Me. Certainly not you!" My tears fell effortlessly as my tattered heart pounded in its confinements, breaking free. Letting me bleed. Showing him what he did.

"I _loved_ you!" I yelled with everything left inside me. And I didn't stop. " _So_ fucking much _,_ it hurt to breathe. My world revolved around every word you every fucking said! And time after time you would look me in the eyes and tell me that it wasn't real. That I was delusional." My eyes were glued to his. And I refused to look away. "Was I imagining every night I stared out the window sobbing my heart out because the man who I would have _killed_ for, hated me! Thought me pathetic." I spat. "Did I imagine, yelling at God for not taking away the pain, for having me be so in love with a man so completely blind, he let me go? A man who wouldn't care about me if I were dying right there in front of him. Cause I was being murder by the words you threw my way, Josh." My voice came lower now. Broken. "And you stood there, watching as my world fell apart at your hands."

"Maya, don't say that! I do care, so mu-"

"Get out" I whispered. The water in his eyes became much more apparent as he reached out for my hands. Clasping them in his.

"No! Please. Please, Maya. No. It hurts t-"

His tears now freely flowing down his face.

"Go to hell" I said darkly. He knew nothing of the pain I went through. _That_ hurt too much.

He didn't move. Standing there staring at me helplessly.

"GET OUT,JOSH! GET OUT. GET OUT. GET OUT" I shouted as I shoved him out of the room. Locking the door in front of me before my legs gave up from under me. My sobs becoming louder and louder as the seconds moved on, probably carrying all throughout the old Manhattan apartment.

Guilt twisted its way into my stomach once again. What if they take my side. Riley will. I know that for sure, but what about everyone else? I can't let this wonderful family drift or waver because of me... I don't know what to do. What to say. I'm gonna walk out into a room of people who I have known them to be my family, with curious gazes and questions, that when answered, make them choose between blood or... me.

What am I going to do?


	3. Future Hope

**Disclaimer: I don't own** ** _"Girl meets world"_** **or any of the characters.**

 **Okay before anyone starts coming at me with chainsaws and guns, let me explain myself. Not only has my high school and my BOCES program have me running on 4 and a half hours of sleep on a regular,** ** _and_** **my relentless job, my computer stopped working COMPLETELY. Talk about fucking frustrating. I haven't been able to get my hands on one in well , you guys know. You've been fucking waiting for as long as I have. Anyway, it's still not fixed but since I'm a freaking awesome little weirdo and write everything on paper before typing; I have the next four chapters already done. Ill have them all up by Monday, the latest Tuesday. Promise!**

 **Okay lovelies lets get on with this shit!**

 **Tell me if you like. Tell me if you don't. Enjoy!**

 **~Geni**

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 **Josh's POV**

My breath was coming in gasps as I pushed through my brothers living room. Ignoring the looks they all threw my way.

 _Ugh!_

What am I doing? What was I expecting? For her to the fling herself into my arms in an earth shattering embrace?

She looked so beautiful. Her hair a rat's nest of curls and tangles, but still beautiful. Her eyes were puffy from sleep, lips puffy and... pink.

 _Really not the time, Josh!_

 _"_ Oh God. Oh God. Oh God" I whispered, desperately as I exited the building. My fears were confirmed in the worst way. I could see her heart rattling through her eyes. Completely held together for the people around her, but hideously shattered on the inside. And I'm the one who practically body slammed her into the pit less abyss of agony and memory of why she was tumbling down this never ending basin of heartache. And my face was pasted to the walls of those memories. A fake smile tainted with the lies she still believes.

I've never wanted something to go away so bad in my entire life. I want that look to disappear. I want those big innocent eyes that shined back at me after our first kiss. Not the empty un-trusting ones that showed all their suffering and heartbreak.

I don't want _this_ Maya Hart. The girl silently crying in the room that was basically her own. I want _this_ Maya Hart to never have existed. I want the Maya who would look up at me with faint faith and trust. As if I was the answer to all her problems. As if I could have made them go away. All i had to do was reach out. Grab her hand. I let her fall. I have never been the answer to any of her problems, all I ever did was cause them.

 _"Josh, we can never be how we used to."_ her voice echoed through my ears.

" I miss you, Maya." I whispered

Bright, intoxicating pools of liquid blue. Her eyes stared at me through memories. Fierce passion and breakneck strength. There was a series of times that Maya Hart would drown me in those wide eyes of hers. And every time I would pull myself out, I'd ask the same question. And Maya with wild penetrating eyes would answer, just as she she always did.

 **Flashback**

 _ **August, 27 2017**_

"Hey, Uncle Boing!" Seventeen year old Maya Hart shouted, as she ran into the Mathews apartment. Bare footed and wearing nothing but a bikini top, and shorts. He chuckled to himself as he heard her bare feet fall heavily on her journey to his niece's room.

"GET UP RIGHT NOW, RILEY MATTHEWS!"

"NO! GO AWAY"

"Whats going on?" his older brother questioned as he walked out of his room. Hair askew, and harsh pink imprints embedded from his pillow. Clearly annoyed for being awakened at 7 am on a Saturday.

Josh furrowed his eyebrows, wondering the same thing himself, "I don't know, but i'll find out" He rose up from the couch, moving to where the small blonde stood. Pounding on her friends door relentlessly.

"Riley…" Maya trailed off frustrated, " It was just a fight. He'll be back crawling on his hands and knees in no time, just like he always does." Suddenly the door swung open, revealing a red eyed Riley. Hair standing every which way, similar as to how her father's' looked moments ago(except of course for it being _much_ longer). Josh's' slight amusement was short lived as he looked at his niece. He frowned, walking forward to intervene.

"He kissed you, Maya" Josh's frown deepened, and for some reason, didn't move any closer to the oblivious teens. He couldn't seem to figure out why, but he didn't want them to know he was listening. Josh could tell she wasn't upset with Maya in this situation, and from what he could gather so could Maya.

"Riley, it was on my cheek, and Lucas was drunk" Maya said quietly, to assure no one could hear.

"He was aiming for your mouth, Maya!" Riley whisper-yelled, wiping away more tears.

Josh instantly saw red. Not for the reasons one might assume. Relief overthrew him when Maya cleared up the 'kiss' situation. It was the fact that Riley was hurting about her boyfriend, and Maya was the one that was trying to fix it for him.

"Riley," Maya smiled. "he didn't kiss me. Even if he had, fuck him" Her grin grew, making Riley give her a face. "Listen to me, Honey. That boy is head over heels in love with you. And is currently crying his Texan little eyes out, because he thinks _and has_ " The blonde emphasized, moving her neck in a circular motion, obviously trying to put a smile on her distressed friends' face, and succeeding "Royally fucked up, with one of the most amazing girls in the whole world. Not to mention making _my_ best friend cry" Riley chuckled at that.

"What are you laughing about? I'm serious!" Maya grinned. " I've already slashed his tires _and_ drew, _explicitly detailed_ penises _all_ over his car." She said with her signature evil smirk.

"In paint, in marker, spray paint, you name it baby, I used it" she said proudly with a wink, counting off with her fingers. " I even wen't as far as keying a few small 'Texan whore's" on his doors" And despite Riley's' good girl demeanor she pulled her friend into a tight hung, and whispered so lightly, Josh could hardly hear her murmur "I really do love you"

Maya laughed beautifully, in a way that made Josh's stomach drop. "And I love you more" The shorter girl sighed. "What are sisters for?"

"Now get your ass dressed. You are _not_ going to be in this place today or tonight" Maya told her, pulling away. Riley's eyebrows furrowed, silently asking;"why?"

"Because, you will not be here when Lucas comes over to apologize. You'll be with me." The smaller girl said bluntly, "At the beach. Where there will be a variety of the male species that we will be taking selfies with, and posting all over social media. So he can see how easily he can lose this amazing girl" She pushed her dark haired best friend, into said friends room, encouraging her to get her bathing-suit on.

"WEAR SOMETHING SEXY!"

"MAYA" Corey shouted from somewhere in the apartment.

Maya then walked to the living room, grinning, as she saw Josh scurry back to where he sat before.

"Isn't there some kind of saying about eavesdroppers?" She mocked.

"It's no problem. I know you can't resist the sound of my voice. It's a mutual feeling, really" her smirk soften, and he could see the sincerity in the last bit of what she was telling him. He found himself drowning in the different shades of blues that looked back at him, small bits of her fire still present. Obviously still on her high of vehicular vandalism.

Jagged breaths left his mouth, "Why are you staring at me like that?" he asked her, For a moment frightened that he may have offended her, but soon seeing a sweet smile, answering as she always did.

"Later" she said slowly and softly, sitting beside him, her breast bouncing with her movements. He willed his eyes not to drop to the delicate contours of her breast.

"When's later gonna actually come ,Maya?" he heard himself ask, not really paying complete concentration on their conversation. Trying harder on restraining his eyes from traveling lower than her cute button nose, to her seductive collarbone, lower still to those magnificent breast, to the toned flesh of her pale abdomen and, barley exposed hips, where he saw the peaks of red bathing-suit bottoms.

she laughed, "when it's later"

"Okay i'm ready!" Riley said, entering the room, in a see through beach dress thingy over her two piece. A smile actually gracing her lips. Josh knew that Maya was the reason for that. And in that moment her knew _why_ he loved her.

Maya Hart was more than just a fierce spirit with a beautiful face. She was a women with a strength that she developed at too young an age for all the wrong reasons. She was a women who gave all she could for the ones she loved because growing up she she didn't get enough of it, and will do everything she can to give every last ounce of love that she possess back to those she holds dear. He realized he loved her because there's no other person he _could_ love as much as Maya Hart. There just wasn't. And that was what it was; that she was the only person who could ever make him feel so much passion, every ounce of affection she displayed towards him, revealed a placement he had in her heart. And it made him _want_ to to love her. Despite his desperate need not to. She was love, and-to him- love is all you need in life.

And in that moment, more than he did when he first realized he loved her when he was 11 and she was just turning 9, he wished this wasn't just an infatuation for her, but prayed desperately that it was. Because she was worth so much more than him.

Mayas wolf whistled broke him from his thoughts.

"Well, aren't you just drop dead gorgeous,! Let's go show your man, there are others out there that can sweep you away" Bouncing off the couch, slipping on a pair of Riley's flipflops and grabbing a bag from her friends hands, filled with towels and other beach essentials.

He smiled at them as they left , waving at him and shouting a goodbye to his brother. His smile dropping when the door slammed close. He knew why. Because while by next week Lucas and Riley would be good as new...Together...In love. He would be lying alone staring up at the ceiling in his dorm, praying that there won't be another who will be able to "sweep" Maya away from him. Even if she did deserve it.

 _ **July,22, 2018**_

"Why're looking at me like that?"

Biting her lip, while somehow smiling widely. He knew what she was gonna say, what she always said.

"If you don't know now, you will later"

"Maya..." Josh would say in a 'just-answer me' tone.

"Later" she would say, getting up. "Later"

"Maya..." he'd start, ready for his infamous 3 year gap lecture he knew by heart now.

Maya recognized that tone and decided today was not a day she felt like succumbing to the ever present dull ache that acquainted her heart when he spoke in _that_ voice. The one that confirmed fears she refused to accept. So she just said "Later"

"Why later, Maya!? You've been saying later since you were 15! Why can't you just tell me?"

"Because if I tell you, then it's over. If you figure it out…"

"That makes zero sense, Maya"

She sighed heavily. "Josh, Have you ever heard the quote ' _it always gets better in the end. If it's not better, it's not the end.'?"_

She didn't wait for him to respond, giving him an answer to a question that's been pending for years; "Because there's _hope_ in later, Josh"

 **End of Flashbacks**

"Later" I found myself grumbling. She was telling me I'd look at her like that one day. And it would be love. Then I would know...I had already known what I felt.

Why was it that for all those years, the sun rose and set on me, for her? Why did she believe even for a second that I could deserve her.

I'll find a way to be worthy enough to be with her. This time i'll try until I die.

" _Did I imagine, yelling at God for not taking away the pain, for having me be so in love with a man so completely blind, he let me go? "_

"I did let you go, Maya Hart. But i'll be damned if I allow that to happen again" I wiped the last of my tears away, thinking securely to myself.

" _There's hope in later"_

 _God, I love you, Maya. I swear to you I love you. I swear...I swear you'll love me too... Later..._

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 **Sorry again for such a long update, but my computer will be fixed soon. My sister will be coming back around next week, so ill be able to post the next few chapters on Monday/Tuesday.**

 **I hope you enjoyed, please comment and let me know what you guys think or what you want to happen next.**

 **Byee**

 **~Geni**


	4. Accepting The Pain

**Hey lovlies! My computer will be fixed by friday so you guys will get up to chapter seven before next week! Wohoooo!**

 **This isn't one of my favorite chapter, but i hope you guys don't hate it.**

 **Tell me if you guys hate it so i can see if i can fix it. I would apreciate it**

 **Okay, that's it! Enjoy!**

 **~Geni**

 **XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxX**

 **Maya's POV**

If there's one thing aside from family that I thrived for growing up; it was honesty. Lies tainted my childhood, and cluttered my teenage years more than I wished to reminisce about. When Josh told me he didn't mean any of the things he said to me all those years ago, I hated him for the first time in my life. The day Josh told me he didn't want me, annihilated my heart. But It assured my brain. I never hated him for telling me the truth. But today he lied to me. He tried to take away that assurance. Sell me pretty words to make up for the guilt he felt. And I resented him for that.

"Maya? Honey, it's Topanga" A light knock filled the room.

"And Riley!"

I wiped away the tears desperately, but I couldn't stop more from falling over. He was right there. Right in front of me. Giving me false hope with gorgeous packaging. And it hurt so much. I wanted to except him so badly. So desperately. It shouldn't hurt this much anymore. I shouldn't feel anything for him anymore.

"Come in" I croaked. Knowing Riley and Topanga weren't a force to be reckoned with seperate, imagine together.

The door burst open-quite dramatically.

"What the hell was that about!?" Riley all but yelled following suit to her mother.

"Nothing"

"Maya," Topanga started, "You need to tell us what that was all about" I sighed, readying myself for the tears to come.

"Before i made my decision on which college I would go to." I shut my eyes, struggling to force the memory from my mind. "It was actually the day we bought our graduation dresses" I said looking up to Riley, who now sat beside me on my bed.

"Jo-Me and." I never really told anyone what happened- sober anyway- between Josh and I. Saying it out-loud made it all the more real.

"Josh and I kissed" I ignored Riley's quiet intake of breath.

Topanga moved forward to sit on the other side of me, brushing my stray hairs away from my face.

"We kissed and it was the most incredible kiss I ever shared. I felt every cell in my body light on fire. We were so close… If we had tried to get any closer we would have been one person...then" I spoke as strongly as I could with the rush of all the emotions I usually don't allow myself to dwell on consumed me completely.

"That was a mistake, Maya" I quoted, "I don't feel anything for you, Maya... You just don't grasp that I don't want to be with you… " i put my hands in my hair, pulling at the strands. "You're just a kid… I want a woman who's strong, independent and beautiful" I looked at Riley and her mother. I could see them struggling to see Josh speak so harshly.

Silence covered the room awkwardly for several minutes before Riley spoke.

"...We could key his car!" she said enthusiastically, looking absolutely serious.

"Riley!" Topanga yelled with disapproval as I let out a choked laugh.

"He sold his car. We could sneak into his apartment and put dye in his shampoo!"

"oh oh! While we're at it we can cut holes in all his beanies" Riley added.

I smiled largely, holding one of each woman's hands.

"I love you guys, you know that?" I spoke meekly.

"Of course, Maya. You're just as much apart of this family than he is"

I just looked up at her silently thanking her with my bloodshot eyes.

"Maya, you are the bravest most passionate girls I know. You have dealt with more disappointments than most people at my age have had to go through. And Josh is an idiot, if he thinks there is someone out there stronger or more beautiful or more self ruling than _you_ " She brought her hands forwards to wipe away my tears.

"Don't waste your tears on someone who doesn't deserve them. I love Josh, Maya. And I love you, like if you were another daughter. I watched grow up, and I watched as you fell in love with that boy, and if i had thought for a second that he would be one that would've hurt you, I would have stopped it. But I didn't know, Maya… I'm sorry, Sweetie." Topanga plead. Asking me for forgiveness, as if it were her fault that my heart fell too hard for someone who watched it shatter.

"You didn't do anything wrong" I whispered.

"We weren't there when the wound was fresh. You needed us, Maya. And we weren't paying enough attention to see the signs. I'm your best friend, I spent that whole summer with you, and I never knew"

"I hid it well" I laughed humorlessly, " I just need you guys now. I don't want to be that pathetic girl he saw. I want to be the girl you see me as Topanga. Because that the person you raised me to be."

"We can stay by you Maya and be there for you. But we can't stop you from loving someone"

"I don't love him anymore" I said quickly.

"I just forget...Who I am, what he did- how he did it! And I don't want to. I refuse to."

"We'll be right here for you, Maya." Riley spoke gently, both of them squeezing my hands in unison. And in that moment I felt the most love and security I've felt since I left for college.

 **{}**

Topanga and Corey spoke in hushed voices several hours after mine and Riley and Topanga's little talk. I knew she was speaking to him about what has occured between Josh and I. It didn't bother me. 'cause as Topanga treated me like a daughter, so did Corey.

We were all preparing the apartment for the lot of guest that were soon to arrive. I wasn't really sure who was coming over. Today, anyway.

Next week a bunch of people were coming to some fancy restaurant down on the lower east side with our family. Lucas was planning on asking Riley to marry him next Thursday. Bring her to the skating rink they went to on their one year anniversary and Riley broke her first bone. The weird little klutz was so excited to get a cast, and Lucas brought her every year to relive the memories and make fun of laughing-gas-Riley.

Guilt wrenched into my belly because she's going to be so happy and I was just sloshing through the motions. Don't get me wrong i was happy for my best friend-for the both of them- I just… Want… what they have...

"IT'S EVA!" A petite little blond girl yelled as she swung the door open suddenly.

"Eva!" Auggie ran from his room and swung her body around, "I thought you didn't get back for another week?" He asked in his newly found deep voice.

Eva was always kind of a meager person, but with Auggie she wasn't as high maintenance. Oh, the high maintenance-ness was still there. But the care she had for him overthrew it.

"HEY GUYS!" She said casually, and Jesus! This girl is abnormally loud. I nearly died laughing as I heard Topanga grumble Eva's name with slight distaste.

"Howdy, Miss Hart!" someone yelled in my direction.

"HUCKLEBERRY!" I all but shrieked as I ran in Lucas's direction.

"Shortstack!" He shouted back wrapping his big arms around my small frame.

"I've missed you Ranger Rick" I spoke quietly. Lucas and I grew closer to siblings than bickering half-friends once we got to highschool. He still held up his 'big brother' attitude; checking up on me regularly, although I lived so far away and usually too busy to call anyone other than Riley and my mom and sean ( By this point in their relationship they somehow morphed into one person). We kept in touch like a brother and sister should.

"Riley tells me you finally got a new car. Was my art not good enough, or something" I smirked.

"Well, M. After nearly five years with 'Texan whore' scratched onto my doors, i think it's time for a change. We all laughed loudly remembering his face when he saw it (It's not like I had it recorded his reaction or anything) (A/N: she did ;p)

"What, no hug for The Farkle?" I heard another familiar voice say in mock-exasperation.

"Holy shit! Farkle!" Everyone turned in the direction of the door, wide eyed and clearly excited.

It had been a full years since any of us saw Farkle. A year after graduation he got married and went off to some expedition that required limited outside interactions. Meaning we only got calls or visits' on holidays and birthdays.

I squeezed his sides tightly before letting everyone else greet him as well.

I really didn't notice how much I missed my friends. Instantly feeling guilty for making them reach out to me instead of vise versa.

"How are you, Maya?" He smirked his Farkle smirk as him and Riley finished hugging.

"I'm fine" I smiled brightly as we all migrated to the living room. Now I am. With all of you.

"How's the missus?" I asked, "Still brainwashing her into being with you?" I looked down at his ring, placed securely on his left hand ring finger.

Farkle sighed, trying to hide his smile. Sometimes I wondered if he had brainwashed someone in the past, and he was just remembering when he smiles at this constant joke.

"I assure you Smakle is doing very well."

"She won't pick up any of my phone calls, is something wrong with her cell?" Riley randomly yelled from the kitchen.

"I think she's gravid" He responded, though he looked as if he were speaking to the whole room rather than to just Riley.

Gravid must mean sick or something. Must of us just guested around his words, finding terms that fit the context.

"Oh my God, Farkle!" Topanga finally spoke bringing the lanky boy up and hugging him tightly. I was confused. As I looked around the room so were Corey, Riley, Auggie and Lucas. ( Eva was playing with her nails)

"Umm. Perhaps in English?" I asked sarcastically.

"Pregnant!" Topanga cried.

"Oh my God"'s ran throughout the room. Everyone making their way back to Farkle.

I sat frozen for a moment before I eventually regained control over my legs and face. Before anyone took notice in my frown, I smiled brightly and brought him into another hug, congratulating him wholeheartedly.

Farkle and Smakle were gonna have a kid.

Lucas was planning on proposing to Riley.

Auggie and Ava were nearing their 2 years officially dating ( not counting their childhood years)

And I was…

"I'm not completely sure if she is gravid. It just seems as so. Her emotions have been amusingly scattered and her stomach seems to upset her enough. I mean, she's not excessively vomiting but it tends to bother her more often than usual." He began to smile softly, staring off into space. " And she looks even more beautiful than usual. Don't they say Pregnant women glow?" He asked. We all laughed at his blissed-out expression. I've never seen him so happy.

"Yeah, Farkle they glow" Lucas spoke. Pating his bud on the back. He then looked at Riley and I suddenly remembered why I decided to go so far away for school.

I shut my eyes tightly, trying hopelessly to keep Josh's big hazel eyes from my mind. Demanding my brain not to think of all the times I got lost in his eyes. All those times I was sure there was love staring back at me, despite the things he would say about our ages. Their was so much love surrounding me, and while it should have made me feel happy, it just battered up my heart further. Because i knew then as I know now. I won't be loved that way, or love another enough for them to love me the way my family loved each other. The way Riley breathed to the rhythm of Lucas's heart. How Corey hung on every word Topanga said. How Farkle nearly worshiped Smakle, and would soon their child.

And as much as i tried to lie to myself, the truth is I don't desire to resent my wonderfully weird family for loving in a way i'll never achieve again… And it hurt so bad.

"Well, lets go out for a drink and celebrate!" I suggested, needing the excuse for alcohol.

"I'm down" Responded Lucas, and everyone else nodded along.

Thank God

 **{}**

After my 5th shot the words were tumbling out of my mouth like water. And the Anger began to come in waves. It was just me, Riley and Topanga left. Everyone else had left close to an hour ago due to personal reasons like; work (Lucas); Be with their wife that may or may not be "Gravid" (Farkle) Be with their fourteen year old son who was alone with his girlfriend at home (Corey).

"Maya" Riley slurred, much more drunk than I felt.

"Yeah?"

"You love him"

"No I don't, Riley", I mumbled. But everything just sounded like I was underwater. I'm not even sure it sounded like anything. I don't want to think. Especially about what Riley was starting.

"You'vve alwayz loved him. Siincce beefor We eben kneww wahat love wass" I breathed deeply. Alcohol, for some reason amplifies my anger.

"I don-"

"I know that I love him. I've always known!" I seethed, tired of holding in tears, I was tired of letting the dam burst and actually crying. I wanted to be angry.

"That's what hurts so goddamn much. That nothing has been able to make me stop. And all I really want is for this-this… Agony, this insecurity. This heartache! to go away!" Topanga took my hand and brought me someplace quieter.I laughed bitterly at myself. Frustrated tears pooling in my eyes. "Everytime I say that, I believe it… For a second" I turned towards some mirror in the tiny room. Taking notice that it's a bathroom.

I stared at myself. Disgusted. I'm still that pathetic little girl.

"But I know that all I really want is to have him. For him to have wanted me all those years ago. For me not to want the things i'm sure I can't have. But it's true. I want those things"

"I've never stopped loving Joshua Mathews, and I don't know if I can"

"Maya…"

"I want to stop loving him" I was so lost. I was fine in California, almost happy even. Ignoring any thoughts of Josh my mind would cross, but it's different back home. I just can't deal with loving him anymore.

The truth is... I don't know if I can.

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 **Hope it wasn't as bad as I feel it was, Tell me what you guys think.**

 **Really hoping it didn't suck, please let me know.**

 **See you guys in a few days.**

 **~Geni**


	5. But? Never Again

**_Okay I don't even know how to begin._**

 ** _First off please no-one hate me! I will refrain from attempting to explain myself that way in too much detail so you can get to the next chapter quicker._**

 ** _Everyone: It's been nearly a freaking year, Genesis!_**

 ** _I know, I know and i am so so so so SORRY! But it's been one hell of of a year and i don't mean that lightly and making my first fic such an important one in one of the most stressful years of my educational career was not my brightest idea. I had way way WAY too much to do to be updating in a way that gave you guys a worth the read fic. When i write i HAVE to give it 110% and thats why i love it so much when you guys give me your opinion and such and i am solemnly swearing to post at the very latest once a week! It's going to be an interesting build since I've had time to view my original docs and how i originally wanted this to go and how ill be changing it._**

 ** _So i hope that you guys aren't too upset with me and are willing to continue on this LONG OVERDUE journey._**

 ** _Alright lovlies, Enjoy!_**

 ** _~Geni_**

* * *

 _Josh's POV_

I can vividly recall my mother saying; "The only two things that will come free to you, Josh is love and hope". A small smile playing at her lips. Turning around to serve a plate of dinner. Or consoling me after a lost game, reciting this simple quote. I took solace through that one statement. That single absolute that my mother held all faith in. Growing up, I had never doubted its honesty. Maybe if you had asked me yesterday I would still feel its sincerity. But after seeing _her_. After witnessing the destruction i caused, after hearing the proclamation of that pain...I know that it's the biggest load of shit i'd ever heard.

Hope is a con and Love costs you everything.

I've been standing outside of Corey's apartment building for nearly an hour just _thinking_ about what i might walk into. Was she even still up there?

It's easy to be determined to do something. In my case; win Maya Hart' love back. The hard part is succeeding. Again, in my case: not getting beat by said beautiful conquest and live happily ever after with her.

All I've ever wanted since i could remember was to be with Maya. For her to be just a _bit_ older, or me just a smidge younger. But right here, right now, with my heart on a mission and the bloodchilling _need_ to have her, coursing through me, i can hear the faint voice of reason repeating in a low voice: " _3 years...3years...3years"_

A frustrated yell erupted from deep in my chest as I paced back and forth, running a desperate hand through my hair.

How do you stop following a belief that you've branded into your skin? How am I supposed to convince her into falling for me when i can hardly accept my own emotions.

The matter of _knowing_ what I want and accepting it or two separate entities entirely. It's not like i forgot my initial reasoning behind turning Maya down so many times, or the relentless beating down of my instincts that demanded otherwise.

Maya shouldn't be subjected to having to catch up to me. That age gap will _always_ be there. There is nothing i can do to change that. And i don't want her to feel like she constantly has to be keeping up with appearances.

She's so perfect and i'm so… me. Undecided at every elevation. Unprepared by all standards and utterly hopeless.

 _Snap the fuck out of it, Matthews!_

 _You've wanted this girl-woman, for the majority of your existence. Are you really gonna let her go without a fight?_

"ughhh" I groaned, staring at the lobby door. What the actual hell am I doing? Am i honestly gonna make this mistake again. Ive lived without Maya Hart for far too long. Why would I want to go back to such a bleak and meaningless life, when adventure and beauty was breathing and within my grasp in the building directly in front of me?

 _I wouldn't!_

Before I could really register what was happening my legs were guiding me into the lobby. The journey to my brothers apartment blurred into the background as the nerves ate at my skin. My hands shaking with anxiety as i rung Corey's doorbell.

"You can do this. You're Josh Mathews. I can do thi-" Suddenly two large hands were pulling me in by my biceps. And Corey had me pinned to the closest wall by the door.

"You're gonna tell me _exactly_ what you did to Maya. Now, Josh" he all but growled at me.

"Core" I gasped, "Calm down"

"No. I wanna know _right_ now. What did you do to my kid?"

"Corey. I need you to take a breath and let go of me" His grip shifted to the collar of my shirt clutching venomously.

Without a word telling me I best start talking. And with a sigh i looked down defeated.

"I broke her"

* * *

Four glasses of whiskey later, Corey and I were sitting at his dining room table finishing the tale of the dumbest man alive.

"So basically," Corey began, pausing dramatically. "you're a fucking idiot"

"Corey!" I shouted. Although the man was much more liberal than he seemed, swearing was a no-no. I don't think I ever heard him say anything worse than damn or hell.

"Look, your my little brother. And I love you. But i'm not sorry. You're a Godforsaken idiot. How could you think th-" Suddenly I find myself pushing up from the table to stand. "Don't _you_ think that I could go without this overwhelming peptalk, Core!?" I yelled. "Yes. I'm a damn fool. But you don't understand! Okay!? To have your heart pound and _hate_ you for watching her walk away. To force meaningless words through grit teeth and watch what it does to the girl of your dreams. My heart _wrecked._ All the goddamn while your brain is demanding it! Telling you it's the right thing to do." My breaths began to come out jagged and desperately. Oblivious as to how i'm supposed to word this.

"It tortured me for _years_ that all that I had to do- all that I fucking _needed_ to do was hold her in my undeserving arm, have one single beautiful, Maya flavored kiss." I slowed. My voice lowering and my tears streaming. "It would have erased every lie I ever told her…It would've…" I wiped the tears away forcefully, looking at my big brother and being assaulted by the pity etched into the crevices of his wrinkles

"Don't tell me i'm an idiot…" I trailed off. She already knew and that was the only person alive who's opinion mattered to me anymore.

"I just…" I brought my hands up to tear at my hair. Desperate. Scared. " I just don't know anything but how that i want her. H-How much I crave her, her- Her _everything"_ I looked down on my brother. Pathetically asking with my eyes for some sort of advice.

"I'd happily set fire to the entirety of New York if it meant that she would smile at me." Corey downed the rest of his drink quickly in one gulp before looking into my eyes and rising to stand directly in front of me. "I just want her to smile at me, Corey. It's all I want."

"You're my brother. And I love you," He repeated. " But I _do not_ consent to you pursuing Maya. And not because of some ridiculous 3 year gap that has hardly held any significance since she was 17. But because that girl has been through enough shit without you fucking her up any further." My eyes grew wide and my throat closed up at his confession. "She has too much going on right now. I will not have you playing with her, Josh." _Too much going on? What's going on with Maya that I don't know about?_

Before I could even think to open up my mouth to respond, the front door swung open. A nearly unconscious Maya Hart was being practically carried by both my niece and my sister in law. And somehow still looking eerily gorgeous.

My legs once again working on their own accord, as I rushed to their sides. My arms instantly wrapping around my Maya's waist. Lifting her into a bridal carrier position. Weak protests spoken by a rather intoxicated Riley Soon followed.

"Josh?" Maya mumbled.

"Shhh" I soothed. Trying to lull her fully to sleep. My free hand pushing stray golden curls from her heart-shaped face. Most likely my only chance at memorizing her very detailed before she's lucid enough to throw me aside.

"I'll take her to bed" I speak dazed. Being this close to her was intoxicating. Addictive. Every inch of skin that touched her was set aflame. She sat me on fire. And I adored her for it. Cursing myself once again for being _so_ stupid all those years ago. Once again causing me to wonder how I went so long with seeing her. As well as how I was going to survive once she left.

"Josh" Corey and Tapanga said together, in a warning tone.

"I'm just putting her to bed" I whispered, eyes still trained on the most fascinating woman alive. Alive and in my arms. And _God! Did it feel good._

I calmly walked her to her bedroom. After some maneuvering I was able to open the door without waking up Maya. Gently placing her beneath the covers, watching her squirming until she found a position she found most comfortable.

I sat beside her for several moments after I covered her up. Staring knowing it must be creepy to outside viewers but unable to muster the ability to care. She would never allow me to do this any other way.

"I would give anything for you not to hate me...To love me again." I whispered into the quiet room. "I'll find a way convince you, Gorgeous. 'Swear I will"

After a minute my lips found her cheek. Putting the truth to all my lies within that four second peck. Rising without tearing my eyes away before I began to walk to the door, reaching for the knob.

"I don't hate you, Josh." My head snapped back looking at the now seated Maya. She looked down at her comforter never meeting my eyes. And I was unsure I was grateful or disappointed by it.

"But?" My voice cracked. Her eyes finally reaching mine, hope wrapping it's warm hands around my heart.

"But…" She whispered, "But, I'll never love you again."


	6. I Missed You

_**Hey lovlies! I decided since i made you guys wait such a crazy amount of time for the last chap. I'd cram and start this chapter today.**_

 _ **This chapters slightly longer than the previous one, but i hope yall don't mind that. There's gonna be a couple of notes afterwards so read the notes at the end please :) You wont regret it.**_

 _ **For this chapter I decided to give Maya some angst free moments. She deserves some happiness, so there's going to be quite a few cute sisterly moments between Maya and Riley mostly throughout this chapter and out of courtesy to the reviews some fluff is in store ;)**_

 _ **Thank You So much for all the reviews I really appreciate all of your commentaries and they really do make my day, so I hope you guys enjoy!**_

 _ **Let me Know what you think.**_

 _ **~Gen**_

* * *

Chapter 6: I missed You

 _Maya's POV:_

"Wakey Wakey!" Ava's sharp voice broke through the paper-thin walls of the Mathews apartment. Two feminine groans coming from inside of their guest bedroom and another much more distant from someone within the kitchen(most likely Tapanga). At reveal of my sudden company I turned to see Riley lying beside me almost falling to the floor looking like absolute death.

"When did you come in here?" I asked, groggily to my best friend.

"SHHH!" She said sharply. Wincing. "Too. Loud. Too. Early. Riely no talky" She grunted into her pillow nearly suffocated herself with the force she shoved her face into it. I began to chuckle at her antics before my own head began to throb something awful.

"Ugh!" I groaned, " Agreed"

"Shh" Riley mumbled as her hand mushed my face, "Shhh! Sleep, Peaches"

My eyes began to droop and a nice relaxed- or as relaxed as you can get with a massive hangover- wave came over me as I began to drift off.

"LOOKS LIKE THESE GIRLS CAN"T HOLD THEIR LIQUOR" Four eyes snapping open as Riley and I saw the other wince at the bang of the door against the wall and the high pitched voice of Auggie's more than slightly annoying girlfriend.

That's when magic happened and despite the migraine the laughs bubbled out of me like a highly under the influence jester.

In all the years that I have known Riley Matthews she has always been the most composed between us two. Hardly ever swearing and never rude. She was- to a T- very mature since a young age.

... _But?_ My mind practically laughed. Hungover Riley was my absolute favorite Riley in the entire world. Filter and rudeness be damned!

The moment her head reared back to look at the small girl at the door she. _Completely._ Flipped.

"What!? Do you have a fucking microphone permanently switched "on" lodged inside of your trachea!?" She shouted. "Have some form of decency, Ava. Don't you have a home of your own? Take Auggie _there!_ Do SOMETHING other than wake me the fuck up! Or so help me, I swear I'll go searching through your throat for that forsaken microphone. I _swear_ I will! Right until I have _something_ to give as my contribution to society" She heaved, absolutely livid. Topanga's voice once again being heard somewhere in the dining area, "I'd for sure appreciate it" Causing me to just _lose it_. Falling off the bed as I laughed and gasped out, "I love hungover Riley!"

"You, hush" She told me sharply falling back into the covers, this time _actually_ attempting to smother herself with a pillow.

What a way to wake up.

* * *

After such a _wonderful_ wake-up call. A frightened and very offended Ava stormed out of the apartment, along with a furious Auggie running after her. Topanga made Riley and I the most disgusting home remedy for a hangover I've ever been subjected to soon afterwards. I mean, come on. Raw eggs and Orange juice cocktail? Don't forget the sucking of a pickled plum. Riley looked even worse as she drank her mother's' peculiar cure. But neither of us could deny the effect it had not 25 minutes afterwards.

No longer agitated Riley nervously bit at her nails. Looking utterly guilty.

"Do you think I should apologize to Ava? I think I should apologize to Ava. I shouldn't have been so harsh" She rambled staring at the wood of the table. "Auggie's got to be so upset with me. I'm gonna apologize" I groaned.

"Riiileey" I whined. "Can't I at least shower first. I mean, It's not like you were lying about the mic or anything" I laughed.

"Maya, stop being evil." Corey's voice rang into the room. Placing a kiss on all three of our heads smirking and sending me a wink. They knew I was only joking no matter how freaking funny it had been initially, she was still just a kid, and a happy Auggie was an Auggie we all favored. Over the years I built up his pranking Technics and I feared what it would feel like to be at the receiving end of his shenanigans. I didn't doubt the extremes he would go to for Ava. Or the anger he probably felt towards his sister for upsetting her.

"I'm kidding! I'm Kidding!" I defended, trying to lighten the mood. "How about we shower and wash off all the alcohol smell from our skin then head to Ava's so you can apologize? Then We'll go shopping and get all dolled up before Lucas's Promotion thing on Thursday?" I asked looking at Riley.

"Yeah. Yeah sure. Sounds like a plan" She didn't look any more relieved than moments before. Too guilty to think clearly.

"Okay good. You go first" I suggested. Hoping it would calm her nerves.

Nodding, she stood and walked to her room, I'd imagine to get her essentials. She was far too good for her own good. And it worried me. She worries herself far too much and it's more than unnerving. Maybe I'm just too protective of her. Or maybe I was becoming paranoid. But something was telling me there was more than just her guilt towards Ava that was bothering her. I just needed to find out what

* * *

 **At Ava's:**

"Just calm down, Riles. They'll forgive you. Just say sorry and explain that you had one hell of a headache and that mic just blew you ov-" I crackled as she slapped my arm.

"Maya, stop it!"

"Okay, okay I'm done. I'm done. I promised" Holding in a laugh.

She raised her hand to knock when I let out a rather large snort. I slapped a hand against my mouth, "I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I swear, I'm done!" I smiled as a compromise. Both of us knowing I couldn't settle for anything less. Her hand rose again knocking firmly this time before Auggie answered the door. His face instantly turning cold.

"What do you want, Riley?"

"I just want to say sorry, Aug. Honest!"

A silence fell over the hall and the threshold as Auggie contemplated on letting us in. After about 30 seconds I got impatient.

"Yeah! Sure! We would love to come in. Wouldn't we Riley?" I say sarcastically.

"Maya" she hissed as I pushed Auggie aside making my way into Ava's empty loft. Finding her on her couch actually looking... sad.I have to admit I did feel bad as soon as I saw the dry tear streaks painting her cheeks.

"Oh, Ava" Riley said softly moving closer into the living room. "I'm so sorry, honey. I should have never said such horrible things to you. You're not to loud. You're perfect-"

"Don't lie to me, Riley. I _know_ that I'm loud, okay?" she interrupted. "I just am. There's nothing I can do to change that. It's how I am. You don't have to like it. Or me for that matter, but there was no reason for you to be so demeaning."

"I know, I'm so very sorry, Ava. I swear I do like your loudness. And I love you. You've been part of the family since you were five years old. How could I not. I was just really _really_ hungover and i'll do anything to make it up to you" She promised.

Auggie and I stood off to side, shamelessly watching the conversation unravel sharing looks every now and then.

"Anything?" She asked, raising a single blonde eyebrow.

Auggie and I sharing a final look before my day went to shit.

 **Around two hours later:**

"How did this even happen,Riley!?" I whisper yelled in the dressing room, "How did you talk me into this!?" I was _literally_ pulling my hair out pacing back and forth as Ava skipped around the store looking for another outfit. Riley and I hiding in the dressing rooms needing a freaking minute!

"This was the only way she would forgive me, Maya." Riley tried.

"Riley! She's arguing with a seven year old!" Pulling back the curtain slightly, I pointed harshly towards the spastic 14 year old holding some sort of spat with a child by the Graphic T section. I have no idea how I was dragged into this. Not that I didn't like Ava. I did. She was entertaining to be around but there was just so much I could take.

"It's just- She was so upset, Maya. And I _did_ say 'anything'" I ran another hand through my tangled mess of curls.

"And besides she's going to Lucas's Promotion thing too. She might as well have tagged along with us to do all this stuff. And I wasn't gonna let you out of this. I've missed you and we are getting our nails done and getting hot dresses together, 'cause you live in California, I never get to see you and I miss my best friend" She confessed in a 'I mean business' tone. My annoyance disappearing gradually as she spoke, "I missed my sister"

"Oh!" I groaned, "You just had to use the sister card" She smiled as if saying, "Duh".

"Fine" I sighed, "let's go pay for these dresses" Walking out of the dressing rooms, arms linked together.

As the next hour went by I found myself actually enjoying Ava's company. I _had_ said the girl was funny. She was just too much sometimes. But so was I. Who the hell was I to judge. So she was loud. I was emotionally crippled. Didn't mean we were bad people. Especially if either of us were able to make Riley Matthews laugh the way she was surrounded by pretentious snobs at the local salon.

All in all. I was having a great time. And so thankful for it too. After the last few days with Josh and all the lingering pain left after all those years, spending a day with Riley and Ava felt… good… Healthy. It wasn't the same as when I was at Cali. Ignoring any thought I would have of him. Burying him into the back of my mind. Here now with my girls, I felt more than distracted. I felt like I was home.

 _Oops, I did it again_

 _I played with your heart, got lost in the game_

 _Oh baby, baby_

 _Oops, you think I'm in love_

 _That I'm sent from above_

 _I'm not that innocent_

"Ooo, It's Auggie. I'll be back, guys" Ava scurried off outside, holding her phone carefully as to not ruin her nails. Smiling as bright as the sun, as soon as she saw his a name flash onto her screen.

"You know. She's really not that bad." Riley said softly.

"Yeah, I know" I replied

"I worry about her though. Have you ever notice her parents are like _never_ there", She said suddenly.

"Yeah. You ever think that's why she's so loud? If I lived in such a big empty place I'd probably be unsure how volume cues worked too. I mean, she's always alone when she comes over even when she was little"

"Hmmm" I could see, that although this conversation held meaning, the truth behind it was to distract me from the big picture. The taboo name. The he-who-shall-not-be-mentioned. And while guilt ate at my insides for it, I couldn't help but be grateful.

"I'm back!"

"Ya sure are" I joked, before she stuck her tongue out at me.

We laughed and it was so easy. I was breathing so easy. And I loved the taste of the oxygen reaching my lungs. I hadn't _lived_ this simply in a very long time and I couldn't be happier.

I guess my day didn't go to shit after all.

* * *

"Hey girls" Auggie said moments before Ava threw herself into his arms, sharing a quick kiss before diving headfirst into a tale of everything they had done.(Even though 3 phone calls transpired between the two in the 5 hour extravaganza)

Riley laughed as I quietly looked away heading for the kitchen.

"Umm, Maya?" I looked up to Corey raising a brow, asking "what?"

"Err-"

"I believe he's attempting to tell you that i'm here" _his_ voice came in. Clear as a bell. My heart clenching and the padlock clicking around it. Here goes.

"Hello, Josh" I said coolly. I was determined to be mature. I could feel the tension between Corey and his younger brother the moment I looked between because our relationship was a bit on the rough side didn't mean that I had a right to tear any portion of this family apart. Regardless of how it made me feel. I had decided last night. Albeit in my drunken haze and vomit induced mindset, that I was going to make an effort to be civil. I loved this family far too much to cause a rift.

A rift I could already see beginning to develop between Josh and both Corey _and_ Riley. I was not going to let it get any worse.

"Hey, Gorgeous" He breathed. And I was reminded of all those times, years ago when that very tone would have diluted my mind to believe that he could somehow feel something deeper for me and I hated the race my heart did at the onslaught of memories banging against it's cage. Desperate to be broken free.

He moved closer towards me. The entire room coming into a dead silence. He held flowers in his hand and I tilted my head to the side. _Are those for me?_

"Uhh, I remembered that you once said you like orchids so I thought I'd bring some… for- yo-you" He stuttered. I internally damned him for making it sound so freaking cute. I reached a hand to grab the bouquet.

"Flowers remind me of death" His mouth opening and closing for several beats, before I let out a quick laugh.

"I'm joking,Josh." He breathed a sigh of relief, smiling.

I walked closer to him. Ignoring the rush of my heart. Praying that he couldn't hear it. Close enough now that only he could hear me speak as everyone around made fake small talk around us.

"This doesn't mean I forgive you, Josh. First, 'cause flowers? Really? Their beautiful but cliché." I said trying to lighten the mood, "Second, things between us will never just be...okay or fine or… But what it will be is civilized for our family. They're mine too and i'm not causing a break between you and _any_ of them. So no more 'Hey, Gorgeous'. Okay?" I said lightly. Stepping back to find a vase.

"Maybe we can try friends!" He said promptly, hands wrapping around my wrist softly. "M-Maybe just friends...please, Maya" I felt my eyes clenched tightly as I breathed. And he gradually let go of my wrist.

"Friends" I tried the taste on my lips, " I.. I can… I can try that." I said finally. He smiled big. Moving closer. "Can friends hug?"

"I-I don't know, Josh"

"Come on Maya. Just one hug. I know it's been… rough" He struggled to find a word, " But I _have_ missed you. It's just a hug." I paused for several minutes. His eyes hopeful.

"Just one" A whispered raising my pointer finger in front of our faces as emphases.

Before I knew what was happening I felt a warm tantalizing limb wrap around my waist pushing my head against his chest with his other. The deep breath of his cologne I took was uncontrollable. He was just _so_ warm. And it felt so good.

"I missed you, Maya" Josh murmured against my ear. Snapping me out of it as I pulled back. Forcing a smile and walking back towards the kitchen.

 _Vase, just think about finding a vase, Maya._

I breathed heavily as I filled one with water. Calming my nerves. Ignoring the tingle of being so close and the sudden desperate desire to run away.

 _You did the right thing, Maya. You did the right thing._ It became my mantra. _You did the right thing._ I kept saying it till it started to sound real.

"Hey, M? You good?" Lucas asked. I hadn't realized when he'd gotten here, but figured it was long enough to witness my 'chat' with Josh.

"Yeah" I smiled.

"I'm here, if anything" He said, kissing my hairline.

"Thanks, Huckleberry" I laughed- Genuinely this time.

"Sure thing, Short-stack"

* * *

Sometime later the evening turned into somewhat of a party of sorts. Farkle and Smackle making an appearance with an announcement of an upcoming doctor's appointment to see if Smackle was indeed "Gravid". Everyone aside from Smackle, Auggie and Ava enjoying a bear around the T.V, talking and just enjoying being with each other. Lucas sat between Riley and I, a protective arm slung behind us both. I found it funny how he thought I didn't notice it or the dirty looks that he shot in Josh's direction. But I kept my comments and thoughts to myself, knowing Lucas wasn't a fan of taking sides and i wouldn't make him feel guilty for doing just that. Lucas's eyes weren't the only ones causing me concern. I could feel Josh's eyes stare at me from his corner of the room as the evening wore on but I didn't allow him to know I was aware either. That is before I finally had enough.

"Why are you looking at me like that?" I asked him while everyone was engaged in one of Corey's crazy 'Young Topanga' stories.

I honestly didn't expect his reply, "I'll tell you _later_ , M".

Eyes wide I stared right back. Not knowing what to even think, let alone what to say. And before I could even formulate something intelligible for human ears aside from 'ummm',the door slammed open and a deep voice caused everyone to look in that direction. "What? You guys started without me?" (A/N: Anyone recognize which episode this quote is from? See bottom afterwards for additional notes for it)

"Zay!" I shrieked surprised. Standing abruptly. Before I knew what was happening he went through with greeting everyone then making his way towards me. His arms wrapping around my waist, pulling me impossibly close. "There's my girl." He laughed.

"Hey baby!",he smiled widely, " I missed you". His lips finding mine as proof. Lips moving with mine in a familiar rhythm.

Moments later, allowing me to breath I whispered back,breathless. Eyes soon meeting Josh's hazel ones from across the room.

"...I missed you too,sweetie"

* * *

 _ **Hey Lovlies!**_

 _ **I hope you liked this chapter. I was trying for a different form of writing let me know in the comments your opinion on the change and ANYTHING else. ;)**_

 _ **If im able to get up to 12 new reviews before 12 tomorrow night**_ _ **promises of MayaXJosh fluff will be in the very near future.**_ _ **Yay!**_

 _ **Also, if you're interested, I thought it would be fun to do an exclusive one-shot of your choosing in dedication to the first person who PM's me and tells me what episode the quote Zay says is from.**_

 _ **Quote:**_ _ **"What? You guys started without me?"**_

 _ **Hint: Zay himself says it. Also, its from season 2.**_

 _ **If you think it may be fun, definitely try it.**_

 _ **Lastly, let me know what you guys think Riley's secret is.**_

 _ **Okay, thanks guys! Its Genesis at 3:30 morning signing off! lol**_

 _ **Love you all! :D**_

 _ **~Geni**_


	7. Prove It

**Disclaimer: I dont own 'Girl meets world" or any of its characters.**

 **Hey** **guys!**

 **This chapters pretty angst-y** **but i have a super sweet treat for you guys for chapter 8.**

 **Enjoy! let me know what** **you th** **ink in the reviews they really do make my day** **.**

 **Thanks! :D**

 **~Gen**

* * *

Chapter 7: Prove It

 **Josh's POV**

There are single life altering moments for everyone that just defines you as a person. Seconds that reveal things about the world and your place inside it. People who are built up off memories that define there places in life. I could very easily tell you the four most life dominating moments that delve my life into the whirlpool it is.

 _ **First**_ : _The evening I became an Uncle. Looking at "Really really_ Big" _brown eyes. Whispering my discovery to my big brother who sat her squishy body against my lap. The adoring yet fearful look in Coreys eyes as he allowed me to hold his daughter._ The moment I knew how valuable and how vulnerable love really was.

 _ **Second:**_ _Visiting my big brother and his wife on my parents anniversary. Where my six year old niece ran around with a just as small girl with a mess of blonde princess curls. Speaking fiercely as ever. Both turning around, trapping me by Maya Harts eyes for the first time._ The moment my heart spoke to me for the very first time. Silently telling me, " _she's all you'll ever need"._

 _ **Third:**_ _Soft strawberry smoothie lips meeting mine warmly with as much intensity as I had mused for years within my mind. Followed by the false words that I spoke in front of the woman of my dreams. The vines coated in poisonous lies wrapping themselves around her neck till her love for me came coughed out. Squeezed out every last drop of love from her throbbing lungs. Oozing through the tears falling from those absolutely gorgeous eyes._ The instant I learned that bad decisions, made with good intentions are still bad decisions.

 _ **Fourth:**_ _The bone crushing, overwhelming sorrow and pain that slammed against my body like a speeding truck, at the sight of the love of my life wrapped up against another man's arms. Kissing another man's lips._ Knowing _it was all my fault, lead me to know;_ That love is the greatest magic we as humans are allowed to have, Too easily merited and the most excruciating thing to lose.

My eyes followed her every move as _he_ sat her in his lap. Everyone slightly surprised, asking when "this"-referring to _my_ Maya on Zay's freakin' lap!-had happened.

Except she wasn't my Maya. She wasn't my anything… Actually that may not be true, according to the last hour or so Maya and I were now friends. Friends! What the hell sort of Alternate Universe am I _in!?_

The initial shock and unbearable sadness morphed into something much more unpleasant as I continued to stare shamelessly. Red hot anger sizzled under my skin, as I saw his lips drag against her skin every so often. Too often. My heart tugging every time she shivered. My every cell screaming; That's supposed to be me!, and the jealousy didn't ease as the night wore on,either. It simply grew stronger with every moment they were together.

Everyone somehow was able to get passed the sudden announcement of Maya's relationship. Everyone except for me. The urge to vomit rising revoltingly while they shared the story of finding each other on campus their first day of university and staying friends.

"Yeah, we were until she saw how a real man could take care of her" Zay laughed, earning a chuckle from most in the room, finishing up the tale. The sharp look the younger boy tossed my way proving his subtle conclusion was directed towards me.

My mouth opened to retort. Jealousy and anger searching desperately for an outlet and Zay's face seemed to fit the description perfectly. The syllables of an insult dancing against my tongue when my eyes landed on Maya's face rather than where she was seating.

She was relaxed. She was okay. Her back leaned against his side and the intense pang rang true inside my chest since I then understood… He made her comfortable… He was making her happy. Happier than I ever did.

As everyone began to leave one by one, the girls started piking up the cups around the table to the kitchen.

The moment I saw my window. Grabbing a handful of trash I followed Maya into the dining room.

"Him!?" I whisper shouted, "Really Maya? I'd think you could do better than _Zay_ " The anger returning with every moment I could smell his cologne on her flawless skin. Her head whipping in my direction at my sudden appearance.

"What, you'd be a better choice?" she defended.

"Well yeah" I said bluntly. Her perfect laugh bubbly from inside her chest. And i want unsure whether to be elated that I managed to make her laugh or offended for what it was that amused her.

"I'm sorry, i'm sorry, i'm sorry" She gasped between giggles, " I just find it hilarious!" She continued to chuckle. "How you can possibly think that after all the mental _bullshit_ you put me through you have a right to include yourself among the people I date" My throat closed up as flame blue eyes glassed over. "Plus" she added, "We're just friends right?" She sighed deeply before looking me straight in the eyes.

"I don't want to fight with you again, Josh" Leaning forward to kiss my cheek, she whispered close to my ear, "You're just too late, Josh.. There's nothing you can do to change that. We're better off as friends"

* * *

I'm not quite sure when exactly I had left my brothers home. All I knew was I woke up in my dorm with a killer headache and crushing pressure upon my thorax when my cell abruptly dragged me away from my dreamless slumber. Raised the ringing phone to my ear to hear Corey on the other side.

"Yeah?"I croaked clearing my throat.

"Hey, Josh think you can meet me in two hours for lunch?"

"Sure" I said lazily, "See you then" I hung up quickly not willing just yet t speak to anyone. Not even my brother. The onslaught of memories from the night before came rushing back with too much force.

The images of his hands on her body and his lips on her neck had me doubling over into my bed sheets. Digging my face into the pillows. Wishing I could just disappear. Groans rippled from my throat as flashes of Maya's soft pale hands lacing with Zay's announcing them going to bed. _Her bed._ A bed- probably among a list of others- They have shared.

I hadn't realized I was crying until the faint taste of salt coated my discovery not stopping the pathetically sobs smothered by my bedding. Praying to God that I never made her feel like this. Although, I know I probably did. And so the tears came harder.

* * *

 **Two hours later:**

"So..." Corey trails off. I nod my head knowing where the conversation was going, "Maya and Zay" My nose scrunched at the way he said their names.

"Don't say it like that"

"Like what?" Corey raises an eyebrow confused.

"Like that. The way you just did. The way someone would call Riley and Lucas or Auggie and Ava"

"You're not making any sense, Josh" I felt my blood boil at the misunderstanding. Wondering if _they_ saw themselves that way.

 _'You're just too late, Josh',_ her voice rang inside my ears. Driving me insane with sorrow.

"Don't call them 'Maya and Zay' like their one in the same. The way someone would say you and Topanga, Corey."

"Josh" He started, "I know this must be difficult fo-"

"No you don't!" I laughed humorlessly. "You have _no_ idea what it is to love someone so strongly and watch them be with someone else. To look into the eyes of your soulmate and have them look away…" I held in my tears. " Away and into the eyes of some other guy. You don't know what i'm feeling, Core. So don't say you understand. I wouldn't wish for you to ever experience something so paralyzingly miserable." My eyes stung with the force of denying myself the relief. So incredibly torn and having no one to blame but myself.

 _'You're just too late, Josh'_

"I need advice, Corey. Please" I begged, "I- I can't stand his hands on her for another second" I continued through grit teeth. "I'll kill him, I swear that I will"

He looked at me with pity. But I couldn't gather enough energy to care.

 _'There's nothing you can do to change that'_

"You know how I feel about this, Josh. Not to mention you're still struggling to accept your feelings, based off some ridiculous three year gap" He said shaking his head disapprovingly.

Furthering my discomfort. That's the last thing I want. To thwart my brother. He had been my hero for as long as I could remember. His regret for my decisions twisting knots into my stomach nearly as tight as the ones with Maya's name carved into them.

"Don't mess with the emotions of other just 'cause your unsure of your own. It's unfair. And its cruel" He said slowly, "but.." my head snapping up to meet his brown eyes.

"Yes?"

"You can't just show up at my apartment with flowers and expect her to immediately forgive. Especially since what you did was unforgivable. Josh you more than just lied to her" He says sincerely.

"You tore her down. Told her she wasn't strong or beautiful-"

"I never said she wasn't beautiful" I interjected. Defeated

"You told her you wanted a woman that was beautiful and strong, implying to her that _she_ wasn't."

I felt my throat contract against the ball lodged within it.

"You have to fight. And fight like hell…" He breathed slowly fighting against his own instincts that demanded that Maya be left alone. "Years ago, you found every reason as to why to leave her. To not be with her. Now? Now, you find one. One _single_ reason to fight for her. At you get ready for war. We both saw how Zay was last night. Unlike you, he ain't as stupid and it doesn't look like he'll be letting go anytime soon" Shaking his head he emphasizes his words vowel by vowel. Dragging a knife into my chest with every word, knowing their nothing but true.

"I don't want to hurt her again" I whisper.

"Then don't fight with Zay" Corey demands, "Just fight for what you love, and _don't_ start with him, do you hear me. I'm not in the business of breaking that boys heart. But if you really feel like you'd be best for her, i'll tell you what I think. But fighting, physically fighting- as much as you may want to- is just gonna drive Maya farther away from you"

I knew that. I did. It didn't stop the want, though. The only thing on earth that I wanted more than to beat the living shit out of Zay- or myself for that matter- is Maya herself. And God, was she worth the sacrifice. I could close my eyes and watch her paint the darkness of my eyelids with her beauty, set fire to my emotions with her personality at my complete surrender. I'd take anything she'd give me. Be it pain and sorrow, regardless… it was equivalent to happiness.

And that's the true reason why that hideous word left my lips last night.

' _We're better off as friends_ '

 _Friends._ We were freaking friends!... But.. friends is what she would allow me and a hideous moment in the presence of an angel was one and the same as heaven.

I nod numbly to my brother agreeing with his advice

"I can do that"

"Everyone's going to Coney Island. To celebrate everyone being together again or whatnot. Maybe you just happen to be walking by when you see them tonight at 7" Corey says pointedly, My silent thanks not going unnoticed when he nods in semi-approval.

"Can I just ask you something, Josh?" I raise an eyebrow at his change of voice, "Yeah" I answer.

"I know this is hard, as much as you think I don't, I do. But...I gotta ask- Just to ensure both of us that what you're doing is right... Which was easier? Willing the courage to fight for her or _fighting_ endlessly for the strength to leave her?"

"...Fighting" I manage to say, unthinkingly. "When-When I left...I- I don't think that there's a word to describe the feeling of ripping yourself to bits to protect someone who only ever needed, well _you._ The one thing you were most capable and willing to give." I said lowly tears slipping, "Not that realizing it was any walk in the park. The damage already done. And the both of us on two separate sides of the wreckage... Knowing I'd still give _anything_ to have her and Maya wanting nothing to do with it... with me" The silence grew thick then, before Corey set up another life altering moment for me, " Anything?" He asked,

"It can't be too late Corey it just can't." I chant.

"Prove it"

 _ **Fifth:** The instant I knew nothing could ever stop from getting Maya Harts love back. _I'd prove it to more than just her, but to the universe if need be. Maya would be mine in the most domestic way possible( since of course no one but Maya owned her)

"...Prove it" I whispered back.

* * *

 **Hey lovlies let me know what you think. A lot of you guys thought i should have Corey give Josh some advice so there ;)! LOL i hoped you liked it I'll most likely be Updating late tomorrow night so see you guys in a few hours!**

 **Next chapter Maya's POV! Their is insured Joshaya fluff for chapter 8 thanks to all the lovely reviews from last week!**

 **Also!** Poodiepooh22 **was the first to answer the question of; 'which episode the quote Zay say's" is from in the previous chapter, correctly!**

Poodiepooh22 **If you'd like, feel free to pm me or review a prompt for a one-shot for JoshXMaya that you would like for me to do.**

 **BTW: Answer; _'Girl Meets Secret of Life'_**

 **Alright, love you all!**

 **~Gen**


	8. Fluent, Bitch!

_**Joshaya fans:**_ **Yo** **Genesis, you really need to stop making us wait so damn long for your updates!**

 _ **Geni:**_ **Yes I know and I'm so so so sorry. Please dont hate me! I just get writers block and dont want you all to have sucky chapters! I will make it up to you and if I dont you can all take away my absulote favorite Jensen Ackles and Misha Collins posters.**

 _ **Joshaya fans**_ **: ...*glaring* Okay. But if you dont... you don't wanna know what'll happen.**

 _ **Geni:**_ **Okay Deal!**

 _ **And on a more serious note, Hey guys! I hope you're still with me. And that you enjoy this chapter please let me know what you guys think or what you'd want to see happen next.**_

 _ **Oh and quick warning: there's a quite a bit of Maya/Zay fluff in this one but I promise, Joshaya is insured!**_

 _ **Disclaimer: I don't own Girl Meets world or its characters.**_

* * *

 **Maya's POV**

"Zay, What are you doing here?" I whisper harshly at the friend I had missed so much the last few days.

"You're a little late on the surprise there, babe" He smiled crookedly removing his jeans and replacing it with a pair of sweats tucked away inside of his bag. Before tossing himself onto my bed winking at me. I tried to hide the smile that threatened to break my serious fury towards the taller boy, but failed when he waved me towards the bed as well.

Sighing, I laid down beside him on my belly.

"We talked about me coming over here, M" His voice was soft and kind, almost soothing. I knew we had spoke about him coming along with me back to New York, but we hadn't come up with a decision by the time I was due to catch a plane. I just assumed that meant that he was staying in Cali. Although, I should have known he would pull something like this. It was such a Zay idea to begin with.

Rubbing my fingers through my hair I fought the odd combination of joy and anxiety bubbling up my throat. So happy Zay was here with me-knowing full well he couldn't afford to be taking time off work and doing it anyway just so he could be with me. Yet, anxiety at the image of Josh's eyes following my every move after Zay first pulled me into his arms tonight.

"I know we did, but as my _boyfriend?"_ I asked, "I mean c'mon"

He leaned forward to give me a kiss on the cheek, " I might as well be, Maya. Everyone back home already thinks we're together" That was true, as well. All our 'friends' and classmates back in Cali were convinced we were a couple. No matter how persistent we were on correcting them.

"We _are_ home, Zay." I chastised. Rolling to his side to look at me he whispered, "I know you are" he smirked.

I rolled my eyes, "Oh, my God! You are such a sap!" I laughed.

"Hey! I am your wonderfully sexy boyfriend. Show some respect"

"Ha! Gay best friend at best" I teased, before Zay made a dramatic gasp, "I resent that" He declared leering towards me.

"Zay" I warned moving back on the bed slightly.

He didn't stop. I saw his hands move towards me stomach menacingly

"Zay! I will stop your ability to have children if you don- ZAY!", I shouted for dear life, as his warm hands moved in fast motions around my abdomen. Arms and legs flailing in reaction.

"Zay!" I gasped between fits of giggles "Stop!- please!"

"You want me to stop? Then say it. Say i'm sexy!"

My lungs started to burn, and I was sure that my face was tomato red but all I was able to screech out was, "Never!"

"Make sure you to use protection!" A big voice presumably from our very own small person all but shouted from outside my bedroom wall. Zay pulled his hands away from my rib-cage to turn towards the door, "Ava?" He asked it.

"Yeah?" Answered the small blonde.

"Go home! We're in the middle of something" My hand swung around to suffocate the last of my laughter.

I could practically hear Ava sticking her tongue out at us.

"Don't listen too him Ava" I interjected, " we're just fooling around"

"That's what we're worrying about" Auggie jabbed opening the door; hands covering both his and Ava's eyes as they walked in, ever the exaggerator.

"Quick, Maya! Cover your breast!"

"Zay" I hissed back, sounding scandalized. "But what are you gonna use to cover up your exposed di-"

"MAYA HART!" Corey yelled from somewhere in the house warningly! The four of us soon breaking out into laughter.

"You two are totally disgusting" Said the fourteen year old boy.

"Just perfect together. I love your love" Ava said dorkily soon after.

I felt my entire body freeze up at her words. My heartbeat picking up, unbeknownst to anyone other than Zay and myself.

"Hey, guys. Think you can give us a minute?" Zay said softly to the two teens.

"Y-Yeah,Sure" Auggie said furrowing his eyebrows concerned. " I'm gonna drop Ava off home and head to bed anyway. Sleep tight you two. C'mon, Ave."

"Night!"

Shutting the door behind them, Zay and I were once again alone.

"What's up, Curly?" He said brushing strands of hair from my face. That's his favorite of his many, _many_ nicknames for me. After two years of trying to stop it, I've grown quite fond of it. "Is it, Josh?" He said more as a statement than a question, but I nodded nonetheless.

"What have I missed?"

I forced a laugh, pulling away from my stone like state. "Told you you were a gay BFF. Always looking for the gossip"

"Maya" He said softly. And I found myself so glad to have him with me, a warm calm wash over me.

Without looking up I spoke quietly, conscious of all the people who could hear through the walls. " _Some_ stuff has happened since we last spoke, yeah" I sighed, walking towards my window. Seating myself on the sill. I watched as said man drove away in his motorcycle, "It's… It's just so hard being near him, especially with all this stuff that he's been telling me lately and-"

"What has he been saying?"

I proceeded to tell him about all that has occurred over the past four days or so. From the fight my first day to the drunken dinner outing with Riley and Topanga, as well as the awkward yet heart melting hugging that occurred between me and Josh before he arrived.

"Not to mention of course telling me 'later' after asked why he was staring at me" I finished, eyes wide and hopeful. Although, I'm not quite sure in regards to what. This sudden form of attention Josh is showing me for the very first time in his life or the desperate pull in my gut seeking advice as the fear turned my veins ice cold.

Zay pulled me into a hug once I was done. Simple tears falling silently between our shirts.

"Do you still love him?" he sounded sadder than he should so I pulled back to see him clearer.

 _Did_ I still love him? I mean, how could I possibly _hate_ him? He was my first love- my first kiss. He dominated my thoughts and desires since before I could remember, even now after all we experienced and all that I suffered because of him, I still couldn't find myself not on some level caring for my best friends uncle. The older man may have broken my heart, but he was a big part of my life before he said those awful things to me all those years ago. He had been there through all of mine and Riley's milestones supporting us _both_. In the moments where I could get past the ache in my chest that cries out for him, that cries out for that 18 year old girl, naive enough to believe that this strong, beautiful, _loyal_ man could have possibly loved _her_. In those moments I feel myself love him... in a way.

"Sometimes?" I whispered. Hearing for myself how little sense that made. Yet, Zay nodded. Somehow… Somehow he just understood. Somehow he always understood.

"I missed you, Zay" I whisper. Hugging him once more. "I missed you too, Curly"

Silence covered us like a blanket for several moments before I spoke again. "You know we have to tell them tomorrow that we're not really dating, right? I appreciate you trying to make Josh sweat" I ignored the thrill that rose up my spine whenever I so much as muttered his name. "But we're not dating and I don't wanna lie-"

"Shhh, M. You think too much. I never said I gave up on trying to win you over"

"Zay" I groaned, "Not tonight"

"Don't knock me till you try me.. Well you _kind-of_ have but-"

"You know I can't… _care-_ like _that_ again" I muttered softly, cutting him off.

'That's fine." He said sincerely closing his eyes, "I'll care enough for the both of us."

"Plus, that way you can have an announcement at Luke's thing too. I know you've been bummed out about being behind on the relationship scale."

I laughed, " What? This way my announcement; _is_ my lacking in the relationship status department?"

Grinning largely, "Precisely, my dear blonde friend"

Smiling myself, I slapped his arm lightly. And before I knew it, he was snoring lightly.

The relationship Zay and I shared borderlined several possible affiliations. I know that at times he would rather we be more than friends. And there are times that I do as well. But… I refuse to be his Joshua Matthews. I just refuse to.

Zay became my absolute best friend in California. Bringing life back into me after that first year of... _Agony_. He was a Godsend- IS a Godsend. Nothing was going to change that. At times our relationship was… _odd_ at best. But it was ours and along with the Matthews, my parents (A/N she means her mother and Shawn),Farkle and Smackle and Lucas- Zay and I are a package deal.

Nothing's gonna change that.

* * *

Sometime around noon the next day, I was told we were all going to Coney island. An agreement everyone made while I was asleep. Those sneaky little bastards! I hate rides _and_ heights. They all knew it too! That's why they said it was a mutual decision because we were all aware I would bury whose it really was within the grounds of central park before dawn.

Riley seemed a bit off, too. I wasn't sure why and anytime I attempted to bring it up she'd quickly change the subject. It was troubling me more than just a little. A plethora of possibilities just jumbling together in my head. Hopefully I'll be able to corner her and find out what's up with her at the Deathtrap Emporium.

 _...Those bastards!_

 _ **That night**_

Ava, not to my surprise, was the most excited to go to Coney-freaking-Island.

"Okay, It's 6 O'clock and I wanna be on the train by at least seven. So boys, if you please; Get dressed. Girls lets get ready." She jumped around the room to place a sloppy kiss on Auggies cheek. Then skipped right along grabbing mine and Riley's arms pulling us towards the older Mathews teenage bedroom.

"Okay! I brought over an outfit for myself. Took the liberty of picking out Riley's attire, but _you"_ She said pointing a perfectly manicured finger at me, "locked your room door, so I couldn't go through your bags. Not that I thought you would have approved regardless." Ava ranted half parts agitated and all parts sociologically excited. Jumping off into Riley's old private bathroom.

I just groaned, "Can't I just skip this?" I asked, already knowing the answer.

"No!" Riley shouted, "C'mon, Maya. Please? I really want to go. Plus, I'll finally be able to go on a double date that doesn't only consist of my younger brother and his girlfriend."

"I can _hear_ you!" Ava shouted from behind the half closed bathroom door. Riley and I just rolled our eyes.

"It'll be cute, Maya." She continued, "I've always wanted to go on a triple date. Plus, it'll be great to go on a date that doesn't consist of my boyfriend's' older sister and her cowboy."

"Ava" Riley warned in the same mocking tone she was using.

"I'll go. But you guys should probably know…" I trailed off nervously.

"Tell us what?" Both Riley and Ava said in unison. Ava opening the door fully to reveal herself pulling on a pair of knee high brown boots starting right below where her maroon frilly dress ended.

"Um, well…"

"Yeah" Riley said, ever so patiently.

"Well Zay and I aren't actually… an uh, a couple" My eyes never leaving the floor. And I was 1000% sure I was redder than Ava's Dress.

"What do you mean you're not a couple!? What about my ship?" She said dejectedly. What freaking ship was she talking about?

"But what about all the intimacy and all the kissing?" Riley asked.

"And let's not forget all the sleeping the same bed together. I mean c'mon! My ships' really not cannon?" The younger girl questioned.

" Cannon? Ship? What are you, a pirate now or…?" I said sarcastically. Really freaking confused. Wasn't it them who were supposed to be puzzled, not me.

"A ship or to ship two people is a pair you want together and cannon means it's true or in fact together" Riley, ever the encyclopedia recited. I rose my eyebrow at her.

"I told you," She sighed. "I have to stop going on double dates with my younger brother and his girlfriend"

"Maya's lack of knowledge of fandom lingo is not the main issue here!" Ava shrieked. "What about all the kissing and intimacy?" She repeated Riley's question.

"Well, Zay and I became best friends after college started. Y'know? We were both far from home and knew no one else. And we just kinda, sort of started depending on one another."

The girls stared intently at me. Only making my cheeks all the more dark.

"Look, we're not boyfriend and girlfriend, but…" I ran my fingers through my mess of curls, embarrassed. " But the kissing wasn't too weird 'cause it wasn't the first time we had done _that_."

"So are you guys like, friends with benefits?"

"What!? No! No, of course not." I yelled.

"Then _what_?"

"I-uh" I stuttered, images of the last four years rushing past my eyelids at hyper-speed. All the nights Zay held me as I cried myself to sleep that first year. The evenings we spend drowning our time in tubs of ice-cream watching _Supernatural_ till we fell asleep on my twin sized bed. All the emotions that I had felt sizzle between us, in those small instances making me think that maybe it _could_ be love. But I could never really be sure. That in itself being an answer for me.

When I had realized I was in love with Josh, regardless of my age at the time. It was all consuming and without a doubt. It was common knowledge that simply grew easier to comprehend the older I became. Yet,... the _security_ that engulfs me in Zay's embrace makes me wonder if i'm allowing the heart that never loved me, keep me from the one that truly does.

"I don't really know." I confessed. "Zay and I were all we had back in Cali, okay? He was the only one who knew about me and Josh. He stood by me, and wiped away all the tears and stitched up all of the scars that Josh hadn't even cared enough to realize existed. We're okay sharing a bed because when Josh's ghost haunted me that first semester, it was Zay who held me through the nightmares. It was him who..." I felt the tears begin to pool in my eyes, while I heard my voice crack, I was so sick and tired of crying already! " W-who told me he would love enough for the both of us when I swore I would never love again. Kissed my head when I told him I didn't know if I could ever love him the way I once loved Josh." I felt Riley's hand running up and down my back at the same time Ava moved me to sit on the bay window between them.

"And don't get me wrong, I _love_ him, I swear! I do. But… I dont want to be his Joshua Matthews. But I'll never allow myself to love someone the way I _know_ he loves me. So I told him just that." I laughed humorlessly, " And he just told that it was okay. That he would take anything I was willing to give him. Because, 'He knew what Josh was missing out on'"

"Oh, honey."

"I don't know what's wrong with me, guys"

"Nothing! Nothing is wrong with you, Maya" Ava Said as gently as she could.

"Maya, Josh fucked you up. But you know what? That's part of life. Don't hate yourself because there is someone right outside this room who is willing to care about you beyond the scars that one undeserving man left on you. The love that you still have for Josh, no matter how minuscule, and the love you are able to muster for Zay, in spite of what you went through with Riley's uncle, shows just how strong of a person you are."

"And how capable you are at loving" Riley added just as softly.

I sniffled lightly feeling my face loose its heat of embarrassment, "Thanks Ave. Thanks Riles."

"Your welcome." They both smiled. " Now wipe your face 'cause nothing is getting you out of going with us tonight"

I laughed, running both hands over my wet cheeks.

"C'mon, Peaches go find something to throw on so we can start on makeup and planning the night."

"Ooo" I drawled. "Makeup _and_ scheduling? Score!"

"That's the spirit!"

"Note the sarcasm, guys" I sneered playfully making my way to my room. Once again grateful for the family I had so dearly missed.

They both stuck their tongues out at me pushing me towards the guest bedroom so I'll be ready for their damn death emporium. Rolling my eyes I padded down the hall to my door, passing Lucas and Auggie throwing various sized grapes at each other's mouths to pass the time while the girls got dressed.

"Hey, Curly!" A deep voice sang by my ear, scaring the living shit! out me.

"Oh! Hello Grim Reaper." I feigned a gasp, holding back a smile in order to force a glare his way. Walking fully into the room, hearing the door close as he followed after me.

"So glad to see that you took the form of my treacherousbest friend so that if I die before setting foot on the 'manufacturing of death; fair'. Since it was of course _his_ idea" The bastard smirked in response. I had my suspicions since this morning about this whole Coney Island affair, but the look on his face just proved me right.

 _I knew It!_

"I think you may have just perfected the language of Drama" He teased, wrapping long warm arms around my waist, my back facing his front. Resting his chin on my shoulder he pressed a sweet kiss on my cheek.

These were the exact moments I could allow myself to think that perhaps Zay and I were in fact something, with or without labels to define us. My entire body knowing that right here, right now and in situations like these; there was no harm that could be done to me.

"Actually" I quickly retorted, " That was the language of Sarcasm. That I so happen to be fluent in, thank you very much, Smart-ass." His laugh rumbling in my ears as I pushed off of him to search for my clothes.

"Now get out so I can change" I grinned.

"Alright, alright" Zay said raising his arms up in surrender, making his way to the now open door. Not leaving before calling out in a sing-song voice, "Although! It wouldn't be the first time I see you undress" Throwing a pillow in the direction of the door I shouted, "Oh my God, No you have not, pervert!"

"And what' I just say about my knowledge of Sarcasm, Zay!?"

"That you wouldn't be able to tell what it was if it bit you on the right ass-cheek!", he yelled weirdly specific.

" I'm Fluent, Bitch!" I shouted so he could hear me in the living room. Smiling satisfied as I heard him laugh behind my door.

* * *

 **Okay, lovelies Thanks for reading. Let me know what you think Your feedback really makes my day.**

 **There's some of the fluff I promised but i'm sure you all are bit peeved at my lack of Josh/Maya, just you guys wait, it's coming!**

 **Please comment and tell what you think about Maya and Zay. I can't wait to hear. Alright, Love you guys.**

 **~Geni**


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